


Addams Family Therapy

by bucketmouse



Category: The Addams Family (1991)
Genre: F/M, Identity Issues, Marriage, Post-Canon, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-19
Updated: 2006-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 06:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1635305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucketmouse/pseuds/bucketmouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are two ways you deal with marrying an Addams. Assimilate, or end up electrocuted. Joel isn't too keen on either option.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Addams Family Therapy

**Author's Note:**

> Written for tiscwslabmuz

 

 

"It isn't that I don't like Wednesday's family."

The therapist gave a non-committal "Mmmhmm", which Joel took to mean 'I do not buy this bullshit so explain yourself before I think you have issues with your mother.'

Of course, Joel Addams (nee Glicker) didn't have issues with his mother, he had _subscriptions_ , and would be the first to admit it, but this was one of the few not relating to her.

"Really, they're just... weird."

"Weird?"

"Weird. And with our one-year anniversary coming up, Wednesday's parents are determined to hold this big family gathering thing because apparently being married for one year means she's unlikely to kill me with a chainsaw in my sleep. Except Wednesday _wouldn't_ use a chainsaw, and she'd make sure I was awake, of course..."

"Of course."

"And, uh, Mr. Addams, he wants to invite _my_ parents to the gathering, and that... I guess I'm just worried about a repeat of what happened during our wedding engagement."

"I believe you were seeing a different therapist then, Joel, so why don't you tell me what happened?"

\---

As far as Joel's parents were concerned they had an exceedingly short courtship and had no idea what they were getting into. As far as Wednesday's parents were concerned, they had an exceedingly long courtship and it was time to tie the knot right away. Of course, Wednesday's parents were also counting the six years Joel spent in the Asylum after that visit to the Addams's house while Joel's only counted the two months after he got out that came before he asked her to marry him and she reluctantly told him she thought there were worse things that could happen. Like the black plague.

"Six years, my boy!" Gomez explained, slapping Joel on the back, laughing around the cigar in his mouth. "Ahh, those Addams women, did you know Wednesday's mother put me in there for two years?"

Morticia smiled impassively from where she sat on the sofa. "What can I say? I was crazy for him," she said in that whisper-soft voice that still couldn't be missed. Joel had no doubt that this was the kind of crazy that involved an axe.

"But six?" Gomez didn't miss a beat, leading Joel to the old sofa that looked ready to choke and die. He was just thankful it didn't send up a dust cloud when he sat down, he was terribly allergic to dust. "Wednesday must be head over heels for you!"

"W-well, I-"

"Putting someone in the _nut house_ is hardly a sign of love, it's a sign of _sickness._ "

Right, Joel had almost forgotten his parents in their stunned silence. His father was still gaping while his mother quickly took up the offensive.

"I don't understand why you insist on keeping up with this charade, Joel. Why couldn't you find a nice _Jewish_ girl?"

"Oh!" Morticia sounded delighted as she raised her hand slightly to catch their attention. "Wednesday does have Jewish blood in her, actually. From my mother's side of the family."

Joel's mother stopped short at that, having not expected this turn of events. "Really-? Where are they from?"

"Auschwitz."

\---

A silence fell over the therapist's office, and Joel shifted in the overstuffed chair. The older man tapped his pen against his notebook a few times before coughing and looking at Joel over his glasses.

"...Yes. I can see where that would lead to problems."

"Oh. That was in the first five minutes." Joel informed him. "It went on for two hours."

" _Oh._ "

"I think I'm worried that they keep me from fitting in with Wednesday's family." Joel stated suddenly.

"Hmmm. Didn't you just say you thought they were weird?"

"Well, yeah." Joel shrugged. "But it's better than boring, right?"

"That's a very valid point. Joel, why is 'fitting in' with the Addams so important to you? You took your wife's last name when you married, and it seems to be a constant stressor involved in your life."

"Well, because... look, there's two ways you deal with marrying into the Addams Family. The first is assimilating, becoming like them..."

\---

It was kind of a shock to meet the woman that was once Margaret Alford, now Margaret Addams after her marriage to 'Cousin It'. Joel had heard she was from 'outside of the family' as well, so when it was time for the wedding party he'd sought her out through the sea of weird and strange that looked like it'd be a book club for H.P. Lovecraft. He was expecting... well, someone like himself, probably. Wednesday had given him nothing but grief whenever he tried to imitate her father (save for the few moments of passion when he called her 'caramia') so he settled back into 'Joel'. Awkward, timid, weird to most of society and weird by comparison to the Addams in a wholly different way.

He was not expecting to see the woman happily chatting away to Flora and Fauna while What was off with dad talking to Gomez and Fester.

All three (two?) women stopped when they saw Joel approaching before breaking out in big smiles and calling him closer, closing off all chance of escape. Flora and Fauna doted on him, told him how handsome he was, how lucky Wednesday was, and he had enough cheek-pinching to last him a year before they moved on to find Wednesday. Joel stood in awkward silence for a few minutes before he raised his voice.

"M-Margaret, right?"

She smiled, calm and downright amiable. That was one thing he noted about the Addams family, as strange and hellishly weird as they were, you'd never find a more friendly group of people. They were like the Brady Bunch from hell.

"That's me, Joel. Oh, the wedding was beautiful, especially that dress she was in. Black lace, I think it was her mother's. Are the two of you going to be living with Gomez and Morticia or have you found a place of your own?"

"Thank you, um, we've got an apartment just inside town, actually. We'll be staying with her parents for a week after the honeymoon, but then we'll be moving."

"Oh, the honeymoon! I heard, the Winchester Mystery House? Oh, it's so nice to go see the extended family."

"Right." Joel shifted from foot to foot, trying not to look as uncomfortable as he felt. Margaret waited patiently for him to say whatever was on his mind.

"...You look like an Addams."

Margaret blinked a few times and waited for more to that thought, before giving Joel another smile.

"How else should I look, dear?"

He realized then that the family motto, _Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc_ \-- We gladly feast on those who would subdue us.-- didn't just mean enemies. He looked around the room and saw only freaks. Friendly, cheerful, and kind in their own way, but still freaks.

And he was the king freak among them, because as weird as they were, there were dozens upon dozens of them and just one of him.

\---

"You either become an Addams, or, well. You try and change them to fit your life instead. But only Debbie's really done that and Debbie was a serial killer anyway, so I'm not sure she'd fit into the idea of 'normal' anyway."

"Normal is a subjective term."

The session came to a close shortly afterwards, with his therapist once more suggesting couple's therapy for Joel and Wednesday and Joel once more telling him that this idea would be unwise on several levels -- most of them the kind visited by Dante.

He was surprised to exit the building and find that their Bentley was parked out front, but instead of Wednesday in the driver's seat, it was Lurch. Joel couldn't place exactly why he was worried, but he was fairly certain it was intuition based on a year of practice.

His wife was instead sitting in the back seat waiting for him, in her usual sharp black clothing, her hair bound back in a tight braid.

"I don't know why you insist on going there. It isn't like you can't get electroshock therapy at home." Wednesday said, looking straight ahead as Joel climbed into the car next to her.

"It's not about that- good afternoon Lurch." The driver nodded and smiled at Joel in the mirror before starting the car. "Why's he here, anyway?"

"Mother sent him, she wants us to stay at the house this week since the party is coming up. Our things are already packed. And if it's not about getting electrocuted what is it about?"

"I talk to him, all right?"

"You're talking to me now."

"I talk to him about feeling like I don't fit in with your family."

"You are who you are." Wednesday said, giving him a glare as if spiting him for taking so long to realize this. "If I wanted an Addams I'd marry into the extended family like everyone else. Just be yourself and stop whining. By the way, I'm pregnant."

It then became apparent to Joel why Wednesday's mother sent Lurch with her daughter, as after several seconds of gaping, he fainted dead away. Wednesday just rolled her eyes and retrieved a glass bottle from her purse, taking a long drink from the arsenic.

This would be a long week.

 


End file.
